Four small pine trees in line with the rest of the giant ones at that spot. Four signs that the majority of the world has moved forward and the world is still turning. Trees. That’s all they are. Something to look pretty and shield the neighborhood from the busy street that lines it.
I don’t know why I was surprised to see them. I knew they were going to do it. The association sent me a letter about it last fall, but I was still shaken when I saw them.
Does it make anything different? No.
Does it feel like it does? Yes.
There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t think of you.
There’s not a day that goes by where our lives are not drastically different than if you were here.
Yet, it seems the world has moved on. It feels like most people have moved past the idea of you at all sometimes. So many friends are gone and haven’t been heard from since your funeral. The condolences are few and far between. We don’t need them and they sometimes make us uncomfortable, but often they are the only reminder from others that they remember what even happened. That you were here and now you’re not. That our entire world got turned upside-down without our consent. That you mattered A LOT.
The other day a friend messaged me a fun memory she had of you. I appreciate that more than I can ever express. People don’t do that. Ever.
Last week, I told some of the new people in my life a little more about you and you made us laugh. I think about you all the time and you almost always make me smile just as you did when you were here.
Me and the boys have moved forward. We had to. We can’t dwell in the moment that changed our lives tragically forever. You would want more for us, so we move forward. We live lives of duality in which we are simultaneously happy and sad at all times. We are figuring it out and doing well at it.
Jack auditioned for a play the other day. I said all of the normal things, “Break a leg,” “Good luck,” etc. I couldn’t help but wonder what you used to say to him on these days. I know you said the same things, but I also know you had a way. You said other things too and you always helped him feel confident when he needed it. I did my best, but it wasn’t the same. By the way, he got a role.
I have felt a little more like I could finally breathe again lately. I have worked so damn hard to get to a place like this and I sit here feeling guilty for now being here. Like I shouldn’t. Like I should feel that heavy forever. The heaviness is the same, it just doesn’t feel like that all the time. I am so thankful to be able to breathe again. You have helped me with your messages the past few months. I appreciate that.
Just like the feelings of being able to breathe again feel like they somehow shouldn’t be there, so do the trees.
They planted new trees in that spot.
They remind us that the world keeps on spinning and so must we.
I am the only parent parenting my kids. I am in the thick of it 100% of the time. I have a wonderful support system and appreciate them more than I can express, but I am the only one there at home. I am the only person in charge of their discipline. I am the one who it all falls back on whether they turn out to be criminals or fantastic, contributing humans. (No pressure though)
This constant environment means I hardly ever get a break. Even if my children are with someone else, I am called in for the discipline and holding them accountable. I have to carry out the discipline and be consistent with the punishments. I am there every 5 minutes when one of my three boys is being unkind to the other. I am there every 3 minutes when they are fighting over the remote or video games. I am there when they refuse to do their chores, but also insist on getting what they want. I am there when they are using too loud of a voice in a restaurant. I am there when they shout inappropriate things in the store. I am there when they are grounded already and sneak an electronic. I am there when they don’t want to do their homework or feed the dog. Being constantly there, I don’t get a lot of time to reflect or look from the outside in. I do enjoy watching other adults interact with my kids and getting ideas of how I can better interact with them, but I don’t often get to be completely out of the scenario enough to do that.
I get caught up in the actions of the moment. I truly forget they are tiny humans trying to figure out how to deal with whatever they have going on in their minds and they do not yet have all of the tools to do this. Part of my job is to provide them with healthy tools to deal with things. In the midst of the moment, I forget. I am more focused on getting them to be more quiet, say the appropriate things, or at least get them to not say the inappropriate things, and behave correctly at that moment. I freak out if I cannot gain control. I break down. I feel like a failure. Well, you don’t need to be a licensed psychologist to know that me freaking out and losing my shit while they are losing their shit does not equal a peaceful situation.
The other night, while we were out to eat, one of my boys was acting up in the restaurant. I can’t even tell you all of the inappropriate things he said or did, how loud he was being and how out of control he was. It was embarrassing. It was Jack’s birthday dinner, so I let Jack invite his girlfriend. This happened to be the first time the rest of us met her. I also had my boyfriend join us. My kid was acting a fool. I’m not sure if he was trying to be the center of attention or impress the guests or what. I went home that night livid and feeling like a complete failure of a mother. Of course, I went to some close friends and was venting.
All of a sudden, one of my friends said something that hit me. She said:
“Wow that’s rough, he had a burst of being really worried & scared everyone is attaching off & leaving him behind…”
Woah. Okay, I hadn’t thought of it that way. This kid was just trying to process his emotions and find where he now fits with us and these new people and here I am punishing him for it. While the actions he was outwardly portraying do need to be fixed, there is a deeper issue we need to figure out how to deal with. Then I realized this is why he acts up most of the time, I’m sure. Not this specific emotion/reason, but the fact that he is going through his own stuff and trying to figure out how to deal.
Aren’t we all? I mean, I know plenty of adults who need help figuring out how to deal with the things they go through in life, myself included. Imagine being a kid and trying to figure it out. I don’t remember much of my childhood, but I do know the ways I used to “fix my problems” were not healthy and did nothing but create longer lasting problems for me.
A different night, we had another meltdown/fight and I acted right in the moment like I tend to do trying to stop the bad behavior. After getting the kids in bed, I started to think about and assess my actions and words. I was texting a friend and even said to them, “Idk how to do this whole thing with him… I often feel like an asshole when I think about what I say to him or threaten him with. Especially because he is just a kid who doesn’t know how to process all of his emotions and I forget that all of the time when we are in the moment & I get so frustrated. I’m sure I could sit down with him each time and try to figure out what the real issue is he’s trying to deal with, but that shit is exhausting. I know that makes me sound like a bad mom, but it’s the truth, so I guess if the shoe fits.”The longer and harder I think about this, I need to take the time to do just that.
I need to try to diffuse the actual situation instead of the current situation.
I need to act intentionally instead of react.
I need to help him deal because if I don’t, he will never learn and that will be my fault. If I don’t provide him with the tools he needs to work things through, he won’t have them.
I need to have a plan.
Talking to an upset child is not easy. Talking to a child who is acting poorly in a public place is damn near impossible. I need to be more patient. I need to remember to be kind. I need to remember my children need my help to learn how to become happy, healthy human adults.
I’m not trying to be my kids’ best friend. I don’t care if they like me. I figure if I can help them grown into happy, healthy adults, they will realize why I did the things I did when they were younger and the friendship and appreciation will come then. I am completely at peace with being the bad guy, the punisher, but I need to extend some grace.
The line between immediate punishment for actions that need rectified Now and working through something that will take some conversation and time is super blurred and is basically the same line. I need to resolve the bad behavior right then, but also need to help my kids deal so the bad behavior doesn’t ever start.
I have no answers to how to so this. I will take all the suggestions you want to give. I wanted to write this to remind you that kids aren’t acting out just to act out. Kids are acting out for a reason. They may not even know why their feelings are manifesting into the bad behavior that is coming out of them. Adults are here to help children figure out life just as we are here to help one another. I often forget this, so I wanted to remind you just in case you forgot as well.
People have suggested a ‘Calming Corner’ and sent me tools and resources to help my kids recognize their feelings and work through them. I have yet to utilize these tools, but have them in mind for the future.
Since first writing this post about a month ago, I have started to do things differently. I no longer react by yelling immediately. I try not to react at all. Instead, I intentionally act. I stop and remind myself there is something else going on with my child and they need my help figuring it out. It is hard. It takes a lot of patience and I often feel like I do not have enough left to do this, but I do it anyways. Many times I haven’t gotten to the core issue right in the moment, but every time I have diffused the situation without yelling. My children can see when I am getting really frustrated now and as we talk they often realize they are being a little over-the-top and immediately change their behavior.
Be Patient.
Don’t ReAct, Act Intentionally.
Be Kind.
Help our children become the Fabulous, Amazing Humans they want to become!
I’ve struggled with this post since I wrote it originally on October 22, 2019. I struggle with publishing it for several reasons, but mainly because right after I wrote it I felt completely differently than what I had just poured out onto paper. Right after I wrote this, I read the title,“Things I wish I Could Tell my Sister Who is Very Much Still Alive” and I thought, “Not a Damn thing. I miss nothing about her and am much better off without her.” Grief is funny that way. People grieve over all kinds of things, not just when someone dies. Any time you lose someone or something important to you, you grieve in one way or another. The words in the blog post are how I feel on some days. Other days, I feel completely differently. I am a work in progress and obviously still working through this one. Also, this is deeply personal for me and posting it makes me feel vulnerable. However, I know there must be other people out there that have strained family relationships and maybe they need to know they aren’t alone. Today, I am pushing past my insecurities and fears and publishing it despite all of that.
My sister and I don’t talk. Long story with 2 (or more) different sides, so I will not get into that right now. I was asked not to contact her or anyone in her family back in August and I have honored that request. We were never super close. We were never on the same wavelength, but we are still sisters and sometimes I wish I could tell her things.
Here’s a very brief history of our entire lives (LOL). She is 4 years older than me. We almost always shared a room until I was 13 and we moved to a bigger house. I have very few memories where we were getting along and/or friends as children. I do have one specific memory of when we were getting along and we read a scary book together and slept in the same bed. Not all of my memories are bad, but most don’t give me warm, fuzzy feelings. I don’t blame her or myself for never really getting along, we are two completely different personalities and we just don’t click. Lots of people who know both of us tell me we have a lot of the same traits, ways we act, mannerisms, etc., but I have never felt like that connected us other than we were raised by the same parents in the same household. I can appreciate how different we are, but right now there are certain things keeping us from having any relationship at all.
Although we were never super close, I do have times when I wish I could tell her things. Share things with her. There’s also a lot I would like to explain about the situation that tore us apart, but I don’t think I could ever change her perspective on that and I have come to terms with my place in the situation and the fact we will never see the same on this issue.
So, Things I wish I could Tell my Sister, but Can’t Right Now…
*I love you.
*I wish we were more alike. I appreciate our differences, but if we jived better with each other, I can’t help but think we would be closer and still talk.
*I miss Jess Sr. I know you never really liked him anyways (or at least that’s what I believe), but you are my sister and I know you would at least listen to me even if you thought all along he was no good for me.
*I am SO DAMN HAPPY you got your little girl. I realize it was such a long, hard road and was not easy at all. I am proud of you for going through it all. I am so happy it all worked out and you now have Sweetpea forever.
*I am SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU. You are a hospice nurse, a loving wife, a loving mother and a really cool chick. I could have gotten a way worse sister and that would have sucked. I could have gotten a sister that I never think about or want to talk to because she sucked all around and some days recently, I have wished I did, but I didn’t. I got you and you’re pretty ok most of the time. 🙂
*I love your family and genuinely only want the best for all of you. Even if I never get to talk to any of you ever again, I will always be thinking of you, sending good vibes and I will always be here no matter how long we go without seeing or speaking to each other.
*I wish I could show you my new house. You are one of the people who knows how much I hated our old one and what a pain it was. I wish I could tell you how much I Love my new house. How happy it makes me. I wish you could share in my excitement.
*A lot of the most recent years, I was in the middle of trauma. I have no idea if I hid it well or if it was evident. You only knew what I told you which was really only a portion of it. I didn’t even know how bad it was when I was in the middle of it. You always listened to me complain about anything, explain a bunch of crazy shit and hang out if I wanted to get away. You even let me bring my kids. Thank you for that.
*I can’t remember a time when I didn’t admire you for one reason or another or several. From wanting to wear your clothes, have your nails, boyfriends and friends to wanting your stable family life as an adult. I know your life isn’t perfect, but I envied you for a long time. You keep it together well or at least you cover it up really good!
*I want to help you heal, but fear I may not be able to help much right now, so will give you the requested space. I hope you can come to peace with everything and I hope you have enough love and support from those around you to help you heal as quickly as possible.
*I miss you.
*I love you.
Life is short no matter how long you live. Make sure you don’t hold onto grudges longer than the person’s life. This can haunt you forever.
When I was younger, I hardly ever felt pretty. I was very cute at times and sometimes I did feel pretty, but mostly I didn’t. I wasn’t ever the prettiest girl. I was never the girl all the boys thought was gorgeous and wanted to date or be with. Of course, in elementary, middle and high school, this is very important to females. Adults also find looks important to different degrees. Society has contributed to the low self-esteem of females (and males for that matter) for as long as anyone can ever remember. I won’t even get into society and how messed up it is with all of its standards because honestly, we’d be here forever and that is like, 10 other different blog posts at least.
As a young human, you realize fairly quickly how society works. Schools are little people society and are, in a lot of ways, exactly how the real adult world works for the majority of us. You always know who the prettiest girl in your grade is. You always know which girl all the boys want to date and which girl all the boys want to be their best friend. You recognize your role in the friendship circle quickly.
“I’m the pretty one.”
“I’m the smart one.”
“I’m the funny one.”
“I’m the strong one.”
“I’m the wing man.”
You fall so easily into your role at such a young age, it can be extremely hard to ever get out. It is possible, but it takes a lot of strength, time and effort.
Thankfully, I was raised to know that looks aren’t everything. I’ve grown to realize looks do matter to a certain degree, but they are certainly not even the tip of the iceberg of who a person is and if they are a good person or not. Looks only matter because society says so, but that still means they matter. You can’t look disheveled and get a job. You will find it hard to get a job with no teeth or dirty clothes. You may get kicked out of stores or restaurants because of how you look or what you are wearing. Looks do matter because they do. If someone is uncomfortable looking at you, it is hard for them to get past that.
The whole reason I was inspired to write this post is because of a portrait I have on the shelf at my house. It is a portrait of me as a young girl. I saw it today and thought, “Man, I am so lucky she saw the beauty in me.”
“She” is Mary Beck. Mary was the secretary at the ballet school my siblings and I attended when we were younger. Since my siblings were older and my mom was super involved making all the costumes and whatnot, I was often left in the waiting room and I would almost always go talk to Mary at her window. Mary was older and I think just a really nice old lady who worked there for fun, but I don’t know for sure. I don’t even remember what we talked about ever, but I remember I really enjoyed talking to her. She was always so kind. She would listen to my stories and drama with my family, ballet or classmates and give genuine, from-the-heart advice. It never included revenge or being spiteful and it always included a lesson to be learned from what I was going through.
One day as Mary and I talked she was doodling. I didn’t even notice her doing it, but as my siblings and mother came out from the back of the studio, she handed me a picture. It was a portrait of my face as she had seen it that day as we talked. Let me tell you, Mary could Draw. It was GooD! It was not how I saw me, nor how I thought anyone else ever had, but I loved it. I loved it enough that I kept it, at some point in my life I framed it, and I still have it on display at my home 30 years later.
At the time, I didn’t realize the significance of the drawing and over the years maybe I even see it differently than before. When I look at it now, I see the innocence and beauty she must have seen in me. I see pure, genuine Love spilled onto a piece of paper by a human with a good heart. How wonderful is it that I was looking in the mirror every day thinking I wasn’t good enough for people and she truly didn’t care if I had blue skin, a tail, and one eye. Mary saw my beauty as a person. I believe that is how Mary saw everyone. I never met a person who didn’t like her and speak highly of her.
Imagine a world in which we all did this. Think how different life would be if we actually took the time to talk to each other before judging one another or before writing someone completely off. I know I’m guilty of instantly judging at times before I talk to a person and I make every effort I can to recognize and stop that so I can get to know a person. We all judge at first sight. I guess what I’m saying is we should all get over ourselves and our instant judgments and learn if people are truly beautiful within.
I’m still by far not the prettiest woman in the world. I may not even rank in the top half, but I no longer care. It’s so easy to get caught up in how you think you look or how you think others think you look. I do it All The Time, but it’s not really worth it. I surround myself with people who do not believe I have to be the most gorgeous on the outside to be worth something.
How I look does not determine the Love in my heart.
How I look does not determine how At Peace I am in my soul.
How I look does not determine the goals I can accomplish or the legacy I will leave when I’m gone.
It’s great to feel like you look good, but how do you actually FEEL???
Give yourself grace.
You are Beautiful.
Look at other’s true self and beauty, not just their outer appearance.
Y’all…Mental health is So Important. Mental health is as important as physical health. A lot of people do not like to talk about mental health, but I am here saying we all need to talk about it more.
What is Mental Health?
In my layman’s terms, mental health is the status or well-being of your mind and emotions. Mental health is how you feel on the inside of your head and in your soul even and how you deal with those feelings. Just like physical health is on a huge spectrum, mental health is as well. Everyone has a mental health status. Some people have very little issues and others have full blown mental diseases/disorders. If you want a more scientific definition, click here.
Disclaimer: I AM NOT A DOCTOR OR LICENSED PROFESSIONAL.
We go day-to-day doing our lives, many of us repeating the same schedule week after week. Most of us don’t have a scheduled break in our lives and the lucky ones get a week or two of paid vacation a year. I know everyone feels like they need a break once in a while and that feeling often can come out of the blue.
Yet, Most people cannot call into work and say, “I am taking a mental health day” and use an earned sick day. They would have to use a personal or vacation day or go unpaid.
What the Actual F***???
What good would a day off of work and the kids and other responsibilities do for you? Don’t you think the same would be good for your employees? Your friends? Your family members?
A day where you still get up, get the kids off to school, but then you go do WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO. Have coffee with a friend, read a book, binge watch a show, play an instrument for hours, go fishing, play video games, walk around a shopping mall. Hardly anyone I know schedules a day off to do that. Most of us have to use our paid time off for appointments or things we need to do between 8am-5pm on a weekday. Think of how beneficial this might be to some people!
Now, if you wake up every day not wanting to get out of bed or you have serious anger or sadness issues, though you may benefit from one day to yourself, you probably should seek further, more extensive help. Like I said, mental health is a huge spectrum and some people’s issues are more severe than others. I am not here to diagnose or prescribe anything and I am not a licensed professional. If you feel you need help in this capacity, I would recommend calling some place like Park Center or Parkview Behavioral Health. These people ARE professionals and can help you tremendously.
I really thought that mental health was more talked about than it ever has been before. I still think it is, but when I see outdated company policies that have “sick days” instead of categorizing them all as “Personal Days” or “PTO” it infuriates me. Insurance companies and whoever makes decisions there aid to the problem. I pay a higher copay when going to a therapist or for mental health versus physical health because it is classified as “specialized care.” I am sure this may have something to do with therapists costing more in general, but without insurance, a trip to the physical doctor and therapist are basically the same cost. I’d rather not get into a debate over what I have right/wrong about this, I have been with and without insurance and I am speaking from my experiences. If you have some knowledge to drop on me regarding healthcare and how it is funded, decided or anything else you think I should know, please share it in a positive, constructive way. Knowledge is power.
I am not saying we should all post our daily mental state on social media. I’m saying we need to talk about it with someone somewhere. And we need to be open to talking to others about their mental health too. We need to let each other know we are here if they need a shoulder or an ear. We need to normalize going a little bit deeper when needed to help a friend or ourselves. We need to let people know there are other ways of dealing with things than drugs, alcohol, negative acts and taking their own life. Suicide is not fun to talk about, but if you do, you could help save a life. Suicide rates have gone up pretty dramatically since 2000 in all races and all age groups. We need to find a better way to talk to one another and help each other.
Going to talk to a therapist is Normal and a Very Good Thing!
Many of us were not given healthy tools to use when we are dealing with distress or negative feelings. Many of us do not have anyone we can trust to talk to, confide in with our issues and ask for help. Therapists want to help people. Therapists have gone to school, learned and researched healthy ways to cope with life. I promise you are not going through anything a therapist cannot help you get through. You may not want to hear what a therapist says to you or about you, but I guarantee you need to hear it. If you take the time and make the effort to go, you will be better for it. Even though the copay is more, it is worth it.
Imagine growing up learning all the unhealthy ways to deal with your problems. Then, you go to therapy and learn a bunch of healthy coping mechanisms to use instead. Your life gets infinitely better after implementing these tools. After you’ve figured this out, you teach your kids these new, healthy ways to deal with life and problems. You have just broken a cycle and left a positive legacy for the entire future of your family!!! What a freaking world we could live in, y’all!
If you don’t know where to start, start here and now.
Stop for a minute. Close your eyes. Breathe. Think.
How is YOUR Mental Health?
Taking the time to recognize your feelings is a good first step. Then, figure out a next step on how you are going to deal.
I am so very passionate about the subject of mental health and I could go on and on and on veering off on many different tangents in regards to how and why mental health is so important. I will end this here and now so I don’t lose anyone in my rambling.
Call: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline @ 1-800-273-8255
I have to tell you what happened today. I planned on cleaning my entire house, doing all the laundry and getting everything together for the week because we have zero weeknights free this week. I was sitting in front of the television in the living room and had just gotten into a groove folding and sorting laundry while catching up on a show when my middle child, Jess Jr., entered the room.
“Mom, Charlie isn’t playing fair or by the rules and I really want to play with someone who will play basketball the right way. Can you please come play with me, Mom?”
“Honey, I’m trying to do laundry. Look at all this. I have so much to do, I really can’t until I’m done with this.”
He had asked me to go outside and play before they both had gone out there and I had told him the same thing I was saying now. You’re never going to guess what Jess Jr. did next. With tears in his eyes and without saying a word, Jess Jr. started grabbing the laundry, folding it piece by piece, and sorting it into piles.
“What….What are you doing, Jess?”
“This way it’ll get done faster and then you can come play.”
I was shocked. Typically, a fit would have been thrown and I could tell how upset he was by me not immediately jumping up and going to play. Instead of throwing a fit, my 8 year old son decided to get through the obstacle in his way by helping get the job done so we could do what he wanted to do.
I stopped folding clothes. I closed my eyes and folded my hands. He wasn’t folding correctly at all and he didn’t know what went where so everything was getting mixed up, but I knew he was trying to help. He asked me what I was doing.
“Are youpraying, Mom?”
“No, I’m not praying. I’m thinking. I’m sitting here thinking and breathing. I’m telling myself that I should not be getting mad right now because things aren’t being done my way and I should be thankful you are willing to help.” I replied.
I was irritated. I did not want to play basketball. My house was a giant mess and I only had today to clean it. After a few moments of thinking, I decided to pause the laundry and go outside and play. We played basketball with Charlie. Jess was right, he wasn’t playing by any rules and was making them up as he went. Jess and I went one-on-one and had some laughs. After a while, Jess Jr. quit because of Charlie and I went back inside. I continued folding laundry. Spoiler alert: It was still there and didn’t mind that I had left it 🙂
Jess Jr. and I also ended up playing a game of Pokemon today where he kicked my butt although I’m not sure we were playing it right.
I am a solo parent. I work a job during the week, take my kids to activities, feed them every night, get the homework done and get them in bed at a decent time. It is exhausting. I have three kids which means at any given moment, at least one of them is asking me something or needs me to help them with something. If not every single moment, every five minutes is not an exaggeration. It is difficult for me to get things done around the house and I use weekend days with no plans to do just that. After all, the kids will expect to be able to find clean dishes for their snacks, clean underwear for their day, and non-button pants to wear.
I am not complaining by any means. If I didn’t have my kids, I don’t know what I would do with myself. They make me Laugh and Love me like no other beings can as I do them. They just want to hang out with me whether it’s to play basketball or fold laundry. I would much rather play with them than clean or do laundry and sometimes I need to do just that.
I am doing a lot of things differently at my house right now. What I was doing before was not working for our family to be happy and healthy, so I’ve switched it up quite a bit. I am trying to stay calm when the kids are upset so I can help them sort through their feelings and emotions. I am severely limiting their time on all electronics, like, I shut them all down for chucks of a full day or choose a weeknight where they do not get them at all and I make my kids figure out how to otherwise fill their time. I am checking myself, my attitude and my mood more than ever in an effort to be a better, more patient mother. Part of these changes must include me being more present in the moment, so I will play more.
Consider this a friendly reminder….
The laundry can wait.
The dishes are okay too.
Your kids are Important and Need your Attention and to Feel Loved.
“Love” is hardly enough of a description to state how I feel about you.
I guess it’ll have to do, since there are no words to describe how incredibly infinite my Fondness, Tenderness, Warmth, Intimacy, Attachment, Endearment, Devotion, Adoration, Kindness, Total Acceptance & Love for you are.
The emotions themselves are so Large & Indescribable that no words could ever do it justice. No mind can wrap its head around exactly how to pinpoint it. Every time I think about it I am blown away.
I say “I Love You” because that is the biggest feeling I know to describe it…
I feel like I'm on a ride that won’t stop
I want to get off
I know how it ends...
In tragedy
I’m begging and pleading to get off
No one responds
I must keep going
I count down the days
Pay attention to the dates
The last time I saw him
I still remember
I rushed out the door
I had an appointment
I leaned over and gave him a half hug and a kiss on the cheek
He was wearing his leather coat and beanie
Cuddling with our youngest as they watched TV
His Face.
His Smell.
His Voice - “Have a good day”
The last time the boys saw their dad
I was mad
He was late and didn’t let me know
We had people to see and places to go
No matter how hard I try to stop this course
The end result remains the same
The anticipation is driving me insane
Can we fast forward time just a little bit?
I sit and I wait
Counting the days
Wishing I could change fate
I keep asking to get off
But no one responds
Everyone is busy
Life must go on
Today is Valentine’s Day. I like it because my social media feeds are filled with thoughts of Love and Kindness. People take the opportunity the day allows to spread Positivity and Goodness into the world. It is special for my children because they get to exchange valentines with friends and get candy. It is special for some adults, but I don’t know why.
Valentine’s Day is a day where we are told to tell the person/people we Love that we Love them, but really it’s just another day that ends in “Y”. Here’s my question…
Why are we waiting until one specific day of the year to tell people we Love them?!
Why can’t we do this every day?
Why do we have to shower someone with gifts, flowers that are gonna die, jewelry, and cards Today??
Holidays can be fun, but this one is pretty silly. I didn’t know the origin of Valentine’s day, so I looked it up. This day started as a festival which “included fertility rites and the pairing off of women with men by lottery.” Not exactly something I want to celebrate. I like being able to pick my partner, thank you very much! The Christian stories of the day’s origins are pretty vague and mysterious, but do include a man doing good deeds sometimes in the name of Love. The same article in the link above also mentions that Christians placed this holiday in the middle of February to “Christianize” the original Roman/Pagan festival it is said to be based on. Again, I’m all for celebrating Love, but I am not clear on why this ever became a thing.
I have always been a person who believes we should share our Love with one another whenever we feel it, no matter what the day. Who doesn’t want to be told they are important to a person? That they make a positive difference in someone’s life? And how GrEaT does it feel when you are being told that by someone else?
On top of being a very materialistic, unnecessary holiday (in my opinion), this day tends to make people feel like crap. Single people feel lonely because they don’t have a valentine. Coupled people are filled with anxiety leading up to the holiday because of the gifts or plans they want to or don’t want to do.
“We said we weren’t getting each other anything, but will they get me something anyways and then I should have gotten them something too?”
“What if this gift isn’t what they wanted?”
“What if the restaurant is not good?”
“What if I FORGOT it’s Valentine’s Day?!”
There is a lot of pressure on everyone for this holiday. Granted, most people put this pressure on themselves or allow it to be put onto them, but it is greatly fueled by society.
I know a lot of folks have started celebrating Galentine’s Day. This holiday falls on Valentine’s Day Eve (February 13th) and celebrates your relationships with your women friends, “ladies celebrating ladies”, but again, why are we excluding the men from this equation? There are plenty of single guys out there too! Did I miss the Day of the Dude holiday?
Parks & Rec is one of my all-time favorite shows, but did y’all know there is also a Treat Yo’ Self Day we could all be participating in?! It is October 13th and it is a holiday I can definitely get behind!
I am ALL FOR a holiday that celebrates LoVe. I LoVe Love! Love is my favorite feeling! I simply don’t understand why we need an official day to share it. I feel like it does more harm than good.
Tell people you Love that you Love them EVERY DAY. Or at least every time you can! Why not? …It’s okay, I’ll wait for a good answer to that…..
Tell the ones you Love that you Love them while you can.
Adventures of Life, Death, Love & Light 