ThAnK YoU ❤️

The thought of another. The thought of an after. The thought of a future. That was never a thing. It was so far out there that I didn’t ever consider it as a possibility. It wasn’t in my mind. It wasn’t in my plan.

Care for me & my boys. That was the plan. Protect them. Be there for them. Somehow give them a life in which we can honor their father and I can give them the positive male role models they need to become good, kind, smart, well-rounded men. People we can all be proud of. People I can proudly exclaim, “I raised them. They are mine & they are good.”

That was the only thing I cared about.

Then came you. You were everything I never knew I always needed. You didn’t want or need me. You had your life handled & your life was good. You are a good man with good morals. You never wished to replace their dad & you never will. And that is completely acceptable. You were never meant for that.

You were meant to be exactly who you already are. A GooD person. Kind. Loving. Patient. Accepting. More understanding than I ever was.

Appropriately guarded from past experiences & acceptionally good at keeping your walls up. Stubborn to say the Very Least. But willing to move when you deemed it appropriate.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds – some wounds will never heal. Time does remind us we are still here. We must keep going. We must move forward even in the times we don’t want to. So, we do. We move forward. Things change. Things are different forever and for always, but some things do change for the better.

We meet new people. Good, Amazing people. We build new relationships we never even dreamed we’d ever have and for that, I am thankful.

I am thankful for you. The man who came after. The man who understands the duality in which we all will live forever. The man who does not wish to compete with a dead man, but who still wishes to be an exemplary example for me & my boys.

No matter how much you don’t want to be recognized for it or admit it, you are our hero. You are an incredible human who sets an exceptional example for our children every day & we are Lucky & Grateful for you.

I love you So Much & cannot imagine life without you. Thank you. ❤️

MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

~Love & Light, Sarah

I Hate It

I hate that I have no one here to help when I get so frustrated & my tv won’t work.

I hate that I have no help putting the kids to bed any of the nights.

I hate that I am always in charge of dinner.

I hate that I am the only person to get the kids up & to school on time.

I hate that I have to do all the laundry all of the time beginning to end.

I hate that I have to get my own food if I’m hungry.

I hate that in order to ensure I have a working vehicle at all times I have to have a back up vehicle.

I hate that when I’m comfy & thirsty I have to give one up to get another.

I hate that I have to answer questions like, “What kind of things are you now missing because he is gone?”

I hate that you have to communicate with us via electronics & dreams.

I hate that I cannot hear your laugh in real time.

I hate that I will forever be our kids’ #1 fan with no contest.

I hate that I can’t share new movies or TV shows with you.

I hate that I am constantly in situations where I know if you were here you would handle immediately & easily.

I hate that almost every relationship I had with those who knew you has changed and most not for the better.

I hate that I can’t get your opinion on the current U.S. climate.

I hate that I am the only person who can fight for you/us.

I Hate It.

I hate that you Died.

I hate that you’re Gone.

I hate that you’re Never coming back.

I hate that our kids will grow up Without Their Dad.

I hate that I can’t change things.

I Hate that I will always Miss you.

I Hate that I will always Love you.

I Hate that on the worst days it makes me Hate the World.

I Hate It.

I LoVe YoU.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

~Love & Light, Sarah

😜 Emoji Check-In ♥️

I think it’s important to have people you talk to everyday. Friend, family, neighbor, whoever they may be–It’s good to have people check on you and for you to have people to check on.

By “talk” I mean communicate in some way, shape, or form. Texting, talking on the phone, social media messages, or any other of the plethora of choices for communication these days.

Often when we go through tough times, we don’t want to talk. We retreat into ourselves at the darkest times when we actually need people there.

Me and my people have a thing that helps. A way to check in on each other with no pressure to talk or further explain ourselves at all. To make sure we are still there and cared for.

It’s called an Emoji Check-In 🏴‍☠️

An Emoji Check-In is simply that. One person sends an emoji to the other. 🎶 The other has to send one back. ☯️ It can express how you feel 😢or be a poop emoji 💩 What it is doesn’t matter.

I cannot express how much this helps. It helps the concerned party know the struggling person is still there and helps them love on them, even if from afar. It helps the struggling person know someone cares and is thinking of them. It helps them know that if they Do want to reach out and talk, someone is always there.

I’m not sure if my friends made this up or what. I know we’ve been doing it for several years amongst three of us and it has helped me tremendously to feel loved and not alone.

If you don’t have an Everyday Person, find one. Start with one text to someone and then do it again the next morning. Have no expectations; Meaning, don’t expect them to reply. Text “Good Morning” everyday. If you end up not wanting that person as your daily, text someone else. You’ll find the right one or maybe you’ll find several.

We all go through difficult times and we’re not all experts on reaching out or asking for help.

Check on your peeps.

🌞💡💥🏃‍♀️🦶♥️😆

Thank you, Christine & Kristy. I can’t thank y’all enough. #iflybs #nwo

MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

~Love & Light, Sarah

BREATHE

I feel like I can’t breathe.

Like this lump in my throat is never going to go away and I won’t ever stop crying.

This feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

It’s a feeling I don’t ever remember having.

It will take me awhile to feel like I can breathe deeply again. I know this will pass. It just sucks so bad.

Breathe. Just breathe. Don’t forget to breathe.

Go to bed. Breathe.

Hear the alarm. Wake up. Open your eyes.

Breathe.

I feel like I can’t. Just focus on taking little breaths. Then at least you know you are.

Just breathe.

Sit up. Get dressed. Your kids have to go to school.

Wipe the tears from your eyes so the boys don’t see. Remember to breathe.

Drop the kids off. Go home. I don’t want to be awake. I feel like I can’t breathe. Go to sleep. Set an alarm so you don’t miss the boys’ bus.

Hear the alarm. Wake up. Open your eyes.

Sit up. Get dressed. You need to get your kids off the bus.

The lump in my throat feels bigger. I feel like I can’t breathe.

Tell the kids to do their homework.

Tell them what their chores are.

Breathe.

Don’t stop moving. If you stop moving, you’ll remember you can’t breathe. Keep moving. Pick up everything you pass that isn’t in its place. There’s always something that needs organized. Breathe & never stop moving.

Dinner time. Follow your new chore chart and make the assigned kid help. It’s a good distraction and if you’re talking to them, you might instinctively breathe.

You haven’t eaten all day. EAT. I know you’re not hungry, but you need to eat. Make a plate. Sit down at the table. Eat while you talk to your kids. Five bites at least.

Eat. And remember to breathe.

Keep moving.

Bath time. GO.

Keep moving.

Keep breathing.

Bedtime. You got this. GO.

That rap song always makes you lose your breath. A helpful reminder to breathe.

I am moving. I am alive, so I AM breathing. This is good. I haven’t caught my breath in days. Haven’t had a deep breath. I can’t get past this lump in my throat. I can’t see past the tears in my eyes.

I must remember to breathe.

Kids are in bed. You should go too. At least when you are sleeping you don’t have to remember to breathe.

You’re crying. That’s okay. Cry yourself to sleep if you must. Just remember to breathe.

Maybe tomorrow you will wake up and forget. Forget what you once had to remind yourself.

If you don’t, that’s okay too. You’ll get up. And remember to breathe.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

~Love & Light, Sarah