Alone

3/20/2020

I’m fucking terrified.

I have never felt more helpless than now.

The world hasn’t gone crazy yet, but I feel like every day we inch closer to shit hitting the fan.

My kids are the most important and I am the Only One who thinks that.

If you were here, you would protect them too.

But you’re not.

So, I am left alone.

To come up with a plan if shit does hit the fan.

I have the best plan I can come up with, but it’s far from perfect.

It’s to wait for people who first have to make sure Their family is safe, then us.

No one likes to do all of the things one has to do in life. No one is good at all the things that need done. That is why it takes a partnership or even a village. No one can do it alone.

Yet, here I sit.

For example, I am horrible when my kids are sick. They know I love them and if they are incapacitated enough to just sleep, I am a good cuddler. Other than that, I am the worst caretaker for the sick. I find that rather funny because my sister who I grew up with is a nurse, so she chooses to take care of people she doesn’t have to and she’s good at it.

You were always really good at taking care of our kids when they were sick. All you had to do was cuddle up with them and they felt better until they Were better. It was like magic. So fascinating to witness. When I cuddle up with our sick kid, they complain they are too hot, they still have a headache, or I am doing something wrong.

It’s terrifying to realize you are the only person in the world who will put your kids first no matter what.

Such a dark and lonely feeling.

But it’s true.

There’s no one else.

I’m literally alone in this.

You would be the only other person who would put our kids and me first.

It fucking sucks so bad.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

~Love & Light, Sarah