To the Guy Who Was A First

Dear Guy,

I want to say thank you. I know we didn’t have much of a thing, but at the time I thought it could be something and it was a really important thing for me to do.

So, I accidentally signed up for a dating app when I really thought it was a free trial thing, like, try it for a week or whatever. I humored myself and looked around. No swiping left or right, but there was some kind of system I never learned. A couple people messaged me and things didn’t go very far. Then, a random message turned into a series of messages and something started happening. I was interested. Interested enough to want to meet him face to face. When the opportunity arose, I took it.

We met for lunch on a Saturday. A spur of the moment thing, we both ended up not having our kids for a short while that day. I was nervous, plus I got there first, so there was that. He came, we sat, we talked, we ate, it rained, we left. We both enjoyed it so much that we got together with our kids that night to do something fun.

When my kids and I left, they asked me if he was my boyfriend. “No.” I replied. “Just a friend.” After that, the messages got fewer and farther between. I think I went up to his house a week after our first meeting and we hung out for a bit. After that, the messages seemed a bit one-sided, so I just stopped.

I am worth the chase. I am worth more than that. I am worth someone who wants me so badly they will do almost anything to get me.

This guy wasn’t that guy. Not the one who would chase me. Not the one for me.

Still, I remain thankful. For accidentally signing up for the app. For talking to and meeting a guy through it. It certainly helped me get back out into a world I know nothing about after being out of the game for so long. Turns out, I don’t want to be any part of the dating game, ever. I hate games and I hate dating. I am not a casual person and I cannot play like I am, nor do I want to.

At least now I know.

I know I can still feel all the feelings.

I know I don’t want to play games.

I know what I don’t want.

I know what I do want.

I know I am worth every bit of energy for the right person.

So, thanks, random guy for helping me learn and I wish you all the best.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

~Love & Light, Sarah