For a long time, Jess Sr was my person. The person. The one I found who also found me and was slated to be with me forever and ever.
As a young adult, I still lacked quite a few things I have now. We all do at that age, right? However we were brought up, we come out short in one area or another. Part of mine was being comfortable being myself. Speaking up for myself and being unapologetically me. Jess never had a problem with any of that. He was raised differently and had his own set of skills and also had a set he lacked. We fit.
Being with Jess allowed me to be myself. He allowed me to be the person I was instead of the person I felt I needed to be for others. This was instant. Being in his presence brought it out in me and I loved it – Finally Feeling Free. One of our favorite saying was, “You do you.” It was liberating.
Jess had my back no matter what crazy idea or shenanigans I wanted to pursue. He supported me like no other ever had and his support was only conditional on me being happy.
When Jess noticed I was being treated unfairly or I had an unhealthy relationship, he spoke up and let me know. If the situation warranted it, he spoke up for me to the other party to make sure they knew too. Jess encouraged me to speak up for myself and over the years I listened. I started to voice my opinion in relationships and situations I would have previously kept quiet in.
My new found confidence came with backlash. Whether it was the change in me people feared or the things now coming out of my mouth they didn’t like, I don’t know, but they sure got angry. Change is scary for most, especially when they feel they can’t control it, so this makes sense. Jess ALWAYS had my back. Jess was always there telling me I was doing the right thing, I’m amazing, and those people were morons who just couldn’t see how awesome of a person I was and was becoming.
Jess was my person for So Long.
And Jess was a fantastic person to have on my bench, even if, at times, it felt as though he was the only one.
Jess and I grew together. What he excelled in was what I often fell short on and the opposite was also true. We worked well as a team, we got shit done, and we let one another pursue their wildest dreams with unfailing support. When we started our family, we discovered our genes worked well together too and we made some fucking beautiful human beings.
Our life was never perfect as no one’s is. We struggled. Financially, emotionally, mentally, physically. You name it, we went through it: Together.
I learned so much from Jess Sr. All of the things no one teaches you in school. The life things. The “street” things. The “this is how the real world is” things. We found ourselves in so many ridiculous, dangerous situations that I never could have imagined myself in (Sorry, Mom). Every one of them giving me a little more life experience, a little more knowledge about the world, a little more life cred.
I can’t tell you how we would have ended had he not been taken so soon. No one can. We will never know. As much as everyone thinks they know how we were and how we would have ended up, no one has a clue. I like to believe he would have always, in some capacity, remained my person. I would have always had him here encouraging me, helping raise our boys, and there for anything I needed. Thankfully, I can believe that now and no one can ever prove it would have been any different.
I Can tell you I am Thankful.
Thankful for the time I got with Jess.
Thankful for his support.
Thankful that EVERYTHING we went through together, everything I went through before and after his death, led me to be the exact person I am today and have the exact people I have.
Without Jess, I wouldn’t be me.
Without Jess, I’d be childless and bored.
Without Jess, I’d be wandering around this world looking for my first person.
Instead, I had him. I have my tribe. I have my boys.
Thank you, Jess. Thank you for being my person for so many years.
MAKE GOOD CHOICES.
~Love & Light, Sarah