BREATHE

I feel like I can’t breathe.

Like this lump in my throat is never going to go away and I won’t ever stop crying.

This feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

It’s a feeling I don’t ever remember having.

It will take me awhile to feel like I can breathe deeply again. I know this will pass. It just sucks so bad.

Breathe. Just breathe. Don’t forget to breathe.

Go to bed. Breathe.

Hear the alarm. Wake up. Open your eyes.

Breathe.

I feel like I can’t. Just focus on taking little breaths. Then at least you know you are.

Just breathe.

Sit up. Get dressed. Your kids have to go to school.

Wipe the tears from your eyes so the boys don’t see. Remember to breathe.

Drop the kids off. Go home. I don’t want to be awake. I feel like I can’t breathe. Go to sleep. Set an alarm so you don’t miss the boys’ bus.

Hear the alarm. Wake up. Open your eyes.

Sit up. Get dressed. You need to get your kids off the bus.

The lump in my throat feels bigger. I feel like I can’t breathe.

Tell the kids to do their homework.

Tell them what their chores are.

Breathe.

Don’t stop moving. If you stop moving, you’ll remember you can’t breathe. Keep moving. Pick up everything you pass that isn’t in its place. There’s always something that needs organized. Breathe & never stop moving.

Dinner time. Follow your new chore chart and make the assigned kid help. It’s a good distraction and if you’re talking to them, you might instinctively breathe.

You haven’t eaten all day. EAT. I know you’re not hungry, but you need to eat. Make a plate. Sit down at the table. Eat while you talk to your kids. Five bites at least.

Eat. And remember to breathe.

Keep moving.

Bath time. GO.

Keep moving.

Keep breathing.

Bedtime. You got this. GO.

That rap song always makes you lose your breath. A helpful reminder to breathe.

I am moving. I am alive, so I AM breathing. This is good. I haven’t caught my breath in days. Haven’t had a deep breath. I can’t get past this lump in my throat. I can’t see past the tears in my eyes.

I must remember to breathe.

Kids are in bed. You should go too. At least when you are sleeping you don’t have to remember to breathe.

You’re crying. That’s okay. Cry yourself to sleep if you must. Just remember to breathe.

Maybe tomorrow you will wake up and forget. Forget what you once had to remind yourself.

If you don’t, that’s okay too. You’ll get up. And remember to breathe.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

~Love & Light, Sarah