Warning: Raw words and F-bombs ahead
[Note: I wrote this the day Kobe Bryant died with no intention of publishing it ever. I wrote it to process some of the emotions I was feeling after I found out. I didn’t even know his daughter was with him at the time I wrote this. These words were thrown onto the paper faster than I can think and I have not edited them. I was processing and have now fully processed this. This is how I felt at that time.]
I have to stay off Facebook for now until who knows when. Kobe Bryant just died in a helicopter crash. Everyone is posting about it. The news articles with the emergency vehicles. “How tragic” “I cant even imagine what his wife is going through”
No, you can’t.
And I wish no one ever had to.
These people are sad, shocked and confused. Why would this happen? It’s SO TRAGIC. I get it, I just can’t watch it and Read it over and over. I can’t. For some reason, it makes me really mad. Mad that these things happen to people, such as Ms. Bryant. Mad that society has no idea what the fuck to do when people die. Just mad.
If you feel compelled to send well wishes or prayers to a person grieving, please do. Don’t expect a response and DON’T YOU DARE be upset if you don’t get a thank you card. That whole practice is utter bullshit.
The grieving person is in shock. The grieving person has no fucking clue what to do. Like, they literally have to plan a funeral for the person who was most important to them in their life and they can’t even get themselves to eat. They can’t do laundry. They sometimes can’t get out of the bed or off of the floor. They may want to mask the pain with alcohol or drugs. They may not be able to stop crying. They will do the planning. They will show up for the services. They may even get their hair and make up done. They may not. They may look better than they did at their wedding or worse than you’ve ever seen them. They may cry continuously or not cry at all. Either way is completely acceptable.
I, too, hope Ms Bryant has people who love her with her or coming to her. People that can simply be there with her whether in silence, crying, talking or yelling. I hope she has meals she doesn’t have to think about or prepare for her and her family. I hope she has people to take her children places so she can have some moments alone. I hope she has people who will make sure she has toilet paper, paper towels and clean bathrooms. I hope she has people like that. Not people who know the right thing to say or do, but people who will show up and be there for whatever.
Let me tell you, the more you share the news articles, the more they show up in a google search. I’m sure the Bryant family won’t have this problem, but when your spouse isn’t always in the news, the first page or two of Google is all pictures of the worst day of your life. That sucks.
I hope the people sharing about Kobe Bryant are really thinking and feeling what they post. It’s one thing to say you can’t imagine, but do you really understand the gravity of this? This IS TRAGIC. A family has lost their father, husband, son, cousin and friend. Not to mention his basketball family who I am sure are just as close. It’s so fucking sad.
Maybe I’m not mad. Not at the posts or people posting anyways. I’m mad that tragedies happen, I guess. It’s awful and far too real and close to home for me.
I’m sorry. Sorry this family has to lose this man. Sorry these fans had to lose their hero. Sorry this team had to lose their teammate. Sorry the world had to lose this light.
Listen to me, I am saying all of the things everyone else is and does in such a situation. You’d think I would “ know what to say” but I don’t. There is nothing you can say to change the end result. Nothing to make it better. I recently sent flowers to a grieving family with a note that read: “Death sucks. I’m so very sorry. Love, Sarah.” That’s how great I am at the “right” words.
Families lose loved ones every moment of every day.
Tell the people you care about that you do. Often.
Hug your loved ones tight. You never know when it’s your last hug and I promise you’ll remember it forever when it is.
MAKE GOOD CHOICES.
~Love & Light, Sarah