I am historically not a crier. I used to be really proud of that actually. I would never cry at shows or movies. The only time I would cry was when I would get super frustrated or angry. I was an angry crier, not a sad crier. I boasted about my ability to not cry. I hated feeling feelings and was fine with it.
I wouldn’t say I cry easily now, but I definitely cry more. Most recently, we were watching the live action Disney movie, Aladdin. I got all the way to the end, through all the falling in love and mushy stuff. My middle son asked me if I was crying when the genie was freed. “No, I’m not crying. I am smiling because he did the right thing. He could have made a selfish decision, but instead he helped a friend and that makes me smile.”
Cut to a minute later when the sultan is speaking to his daughter, “I thought I would lose you like I lost your mother.” Shit. That got me. This time when Jess Jr. asked me if I was crying I said yes. Thank goodness he didn’t ask why I was crying because the flood gates would have fully opened at that point. I continued by saying, “It’s okay to cry.” The conversation didn’t go any further, so I didn’t press on.
Jess Jr. got up from where he was sitting, came over to me and sat on my lap. He let me hold and hug him. Jess Jr. had no idea how to be there for me, but he tried anyways. I want my boys to be able to be there for people the way they know best when people need them. I want my boys to know they can cry and I will be there for them. Even if someone doesn’t know the “right” thing to do when someone is hurting, it shows a lot when they try.
You don’t have to be “right” – You just have to Be There.
I want my boys to see me cry. I want them to know it is acceptable to cry. To feel feelings. I have no idea why I ever believed crying made me weak, but I now believe it makes a person stronger. The more you can process your feelings in a healthy way and move forward, the better person you will be for doing so.
The most annoying thing about crying now is I do it at the silliest times. Weird things set me off unexpectedly. Like a line from a Disney movie, for instance. I cried for half of Avengers: Endgame & successfully made it through the new Star Wars movie only tearing up a couple times. Late nights alone, school plays, parent-teacher conferences, fighting kids, and my boys’ birthdays make me cry.
Whatever the reason, wherever it happens; I now welcome a good cry. Sometimes I feel like I need a good cry and wish I could cry on demand. Feeling feelings is still not my favorite things, the icky ones, you know? But if you never open yourself up to feel fully angry or sad, you will miss out on fully feeling the Good feelings.
Joy. Gratitude. Serenity. Hope. Pride. Relief. Love.
And what is the point of going through life without feeling those Wonderful, Amazing things?
Life is surely not a constant positivity party, but I’ll take some bad to have the good.
Let others see you cry. Let them be there for you and in the future, you can be there for them.
Cry it out. It’s completely acceptable no matter who you think you are.
MAKE GOOD CHOICES.
~Love & Light, Sarah