You used to visit me in my dreams sometimes. You don’t anymore. Most days I’m ok. Better than ok actually, I am doing really, really well. I am happy. I think that would make you happy too. Today, I am heavy. Heavy in the feeling you aren’t here. Like, how did this even happen? How did I get here?
I know you’re busy. You have three sons to look after plus your mom and other family. Please always look after us. Our sons especially.
I know you’re busy, but this is hard. You not being here. I do it and lots of days I freaking rock it, but today, today I FEEL your absence more. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. No big, awful thing that I needed you for. I’m just here doing life and you’re…not.
It’s a hard thing to explain, the feeling. It’s literally So Heavy. It’s not that I don’t know you aren’t here every single day, trust me, I do. Today, your absence is strong.
I want you here. I want to smell you, I want to hear you laugh, I want you to be able to hug your boys and for them to tell you all of the fun, exciting things we have done since you’ve been gone. I want you here to yell at them for poor grades, to get off video games and for fighting non-stop. I want you here to lecture them about everything like you always did. To tell them all of your stories. I wish you could see them. I know you’d be so proud. You always were.
I know you’re busy, but can you maybe take a minute to show me a sign? Something to let me know you are still with us. Because you are gone. You aren’t here anymore and I can’t take that today. I need to know you are still here. Please.
I know you’re busy, but your boys need you.
I know you’re busy, but I need you.
I know you’re busy, but we miss you.
I know you’re busy, but we love you so much.
I know you’re busy….
~Love & Light, Sarah
P.S. MAKE GOOD CHOICES.