I have to admit, I have a lot of negative self talk. I doubt myself all the time, often after making a decision or having a conversation with someone. After texts/messages are sent & before they are responded to is THE WORST. BUT…I always correct myself. I do not apologize for being me or on the off-chance someone might misinterpret what I said.
The other night, I almost apologized to someone I had been messaging for venting to them. For expressing to them how I felt about certain situations. This person is an extremely close confidant. They know me and therefore, know how I am. They are not judgmental in any way, shape or form, ever. However, I still worried about if I was bothering them or annoying. I worried about it for long enough that I almost sent a message apologizing, but I didn’t. Why didn’t I?
I did not apologize for a number of reasons, but the main one is, I had nothing to apologize for. I needed someone to talk to, someone to listen. They are a person who has told me I can talk to them about anything.
IF THEY GOT ANNOYED BY ME OR BOTHERED BY HOW I AM, THEY WOULD NOT BE ONE OF MY PEOPLE.
This is a thing we all need to wrap our heads around. Chances are, if someone does not want to listen to you, they will let you know. If someone is annoyed by you or bothered by how you are, you will either be told that by them or they will choose to not be around you or there for you.
My people all know me very well. My people all love me for who I am. Any time I am anxious or worried about being a bother, it is not because my people have done something to make me worried, it is All In My Head. SO MANY people do this to themselves. Hear me loud and clear…
PEOPLE ARE SELF ABSORBED. IF YOUR PEOPLE ARE BOTHERED BY YOU, THEY WON’T BE YOUR PEOPLE.
IF YOUR “PEOPLE” MAKE YOU FEEL BAD OR TELL YOU THAT YOU ANNOY THEM, THOSE ARE NOT THE RIGHT PEOPLE! GET NEW PEOPLE.
I often speak frankly and with plenty of colorful, often 4-letter words. I could state my mind and easily feel the need to follow it with, “Sorry for cursing” or, “Sorry for being so blunt.” But, WHHHHYYYYY??? I’m not sorry I speak that way, I’m not sorry I like to tell it like it is. I do not feel people should apologize for being themselves. (I watch my mouth in all of the appropriate settings and I like to think I know how to act wherever I am).
“I’ve learned that you have to make careful choices because everything has an impact, I’ve also learned that you can’t please everyone in life, so please yourself and figure out what really matters.” ~Gretchen Bleiler
Someone I love recently lost their shit 2 days after losing a loved one. They apologized to me for crying and losing it. I told them no need for an apology, they deserve to be able to grieve, cry, lose their shit and whatever else they need to do. Yet, they still apologized over and over again. Should anyone have to apologize for crying over a lost loved one? Ever? I don’t think so.
We, as a society, have all helped to feed the monster mentality of anxiety, judgment & disappointment. For some reason, the majority of us believe it shows weakness when we cry, that it is unacceptable to be visibly angry and we are annoying people if we share too much or talk a lot. STOP IT. We are allowed to feel feelings. We are allowed to show feelings. We should focus more on helping each other deal with feelings in a healthy way rather than judging one another for having them.
I have to constantly check my thoughts and myself to maintain my current homeostasis. I often do not share how I feel because I feel I may be judged. I can’t be the only one. I know I’m not. Let’s all start a club. Share with me! I cannot promise I will be able to help or give any good advice, but I can promise I will listen without judgement.
You Do You.
MAKE GOOD CHOICES.
~Love & Light, Sarah