SaD

I have so much sad right now. I have no idea where the sad is coming from. It’s like any and all sad all just built up when I didn’t even know it was there at all and now All The Fucking Sad is Coming Out.

The sad is So BiG. I’m going to run out of tears.

The sad is So BiG, yet I have no idea where it is coming from.

The sad is So BiG, yet I feel so small and insignificant, like I am not even worthy of this much sad.

I wish the sad would go away.

I guess it is; through my tears.

I can’t stop them, so the sad just keeps flowing.

I hope the sad flows away.

Away from me.

I have no idea where it came from, but it can go back.

I will let the tears flow.

I will let the sad go through me.

I feel like the sad will last forever.

I feel like I am alone with the sad and that in itself makes me more sad.

I feel like no one could ever understand this sad.

But I know people do.

And how alone must they feel?

That makes me extra sad.

I also know the sad will pass.

And until it does,

I have loved ones to help me through….if I let them in. Which is hard. Super Fucking Hard.

It shouldn’t be.

It’s stupid.

But it’s so fucking hard.

So, I don’t let them in, but I allow the sadness to Flow.

Out through my eyes.

Out through my entire shaking body.

Out through my soul.

I know there is life past the sad.

I cannot see it now,

But I know it’s there.

I’ve been here before not even knowing life was one the other side.

This time I do.

I hang onto the knowing that I will get through.

I always have,

So I always will.

That’s what I do.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

~Love & Light, Sarah