“I don’t care what other people think of me.”
So many people say this all the time. Hell, I say this all the time.
Let’s be honest for a minute…We do care.
I have been struggling with this one for a while now. My desire to not want to care is fighting with me still caring what other people think of me. My actions, my words, my feelings, my everything. As I sit here writing this at my boys’ wrestling practice, walls lined with parents, I am wondering about the person next to me that could be reading this. Ultimately, I do not care what any random person reading this thinks of me, but the thought still crosses my mind.
Often, these thoughts cross my mind as they do everyone’s mind, I’m sure. Typically, these thoughts for me are fleeting because I quickly remind myself I truly do not care what other people think of me. If I let these thoughts consume me, I wouldn’t be where I am in my life right now. I wouldn’t be writing, blogging, working where I work, friends with the people I am friends with and I would still be in contact with a lot of toxic people. In this respect, I really do not care. There have been several times I wrote and read a post and had thoughts filled with worry of other people’s judgment of me. Ultimately, I ignored those thoughts and published the blog anyways.
What I have been really struggling with here lately has been what the people I care about most think about me. I know, it’s silly, right?! I have not posted things and not written things because of this.
“What if it makes them mad?”
“What if (insert name here) thinks I am directing this at them?”
(Which, is a thing I have done, or at least I write things with people or specific situations in mind. Not like I am trying to call anyone out, but a lot of the time it stems from a specific situation and spins into thoughts far beyond that, so it’s not like I am speaking directly to someone. If I was, I would just speak directly to that person.)
“What if they are judging my grammar?”
(I’m aware this one is extra ridiculous, but I write how I talk sometimes and I hate commas and their usage with a passion.)
“What if this completely changes their view on who I am as a person and they somehow flip their script and decide they don’t like me anymore?!?”
I guess this makes sense. I mean, the people you hold most dear are the people you do not want to disappoint, make sad, or upset. I have very few people in my circle, which may make this more important to me than to other people, I don’t know. After far too much thought, I end up telling myself something like,
“Sarah, these people love you for who you are. Part of the reason these people love you so much is because of what you do and say. Part of what they love about you is what you are afraid of doing right now.”
Then, I do it anyways.
Think of all the successful business owners and entrepreneurs you know. Do you think they were scared? Do you think they were afraid of their family members and friends judging them? I am positive at least one person told every single one of those people that they were crazy. They couldn’t do it. They told them all of the reasons they should not do whatever their dream was. That is the main reason why people do not pursue their dreams. Not because of lack of money or time, but because of their fear of losing the people closest to them in the process.
Our loved ones have the absolute best intentions when they warn us of all the ways our ideas can go wrong. They want to help us and watch us succeed, not fail. They don’t know any better. Believe it or not, they are putting us down and killing our dreams because they care. I have a loved one who tells me every time I see them that something I am doing or something I said is wrong or a bad idea. You know what I started doing? I started to avoid talking to them. I don’t have to avoid them physically and I am positive they haven’t noticed this small difference while it has made a significant positive impact on my life. What’s right for me isn’t right for them and that is completely acceptable. What they failed at, I can succeed at, but they will tell me all the reasons I won’t, so I don’t share things with them.
If you are anything like me, you will find it SO VERY HARD to stop sharing all the things with a loved one. I tell my people everything, but I have learned when not to. There are certain things I know specific people will immediately shoot down and I am not here for that energy, so I choose not to discuss certain things with those people. I hate it, but I do it in pursuit of my goals and dreams.
An important question you need to continually ask yourself is:
“How committed am I to my dream?”
This question is such an important reminder to me that I have it as a screensaver on my phone. It reminds me every time I look at my phone, which is quite often, to stay focused. It is a constant reminder of me asking myself, “Is what you are doing right now helping you achieve your goals?”
When the people close to you start ripping apart your dreams, you don’t have to cut them off. You do need to realize what is happening and think about if it is helping you achieve the greatness within you.
I am not out here telling you to start hurting people all the time with no regard for their feelings. I am not telling you to do whatever you want if it is harmful to you or to others. I am not even telling you Not To Care.
I AM Telling you that those people won’t pay your bills.
I AM Telling you to overcome it.
I AM telling you, Go For The Thing!
Those people you are worried about judging you probably won’t remember what they judged you for in a day or five years from now. You will. You will remember you did not do the thing because you were afraid. You will always wonder what might have happened if you had done it.
I have struggled with the thoughts of other people’s judgments so badly that I have spent the past 4 days intentionally listening to people tell me not to be afraid. To go for it. To do the things I want to do. Today, I finally got sick of it. I finally realized sometimes people will read my posts and think I am referring to them and get mad. Sometimes people will disagree with my thoughts and want to have a serious discussion. Not everyone will like you and not everyone will hate you and most people will be somewhere in between. If I ever offend anyone in any of my posts, please know that is never my intention. Also know, I Do Care About You and am always open to constructive discussions.
When you think about what your dreams are, think about what is holding you back from achieving them. If it is mainly fear of failure (this is fear of judgment, by the way) or fear of what people will think of you, then I urge you to reconsider doing it. Instead of being worried about the naysayers and negative judgments, think about you succeeding. What will they think of you then? Because really, you wouldn’t start something you didn’t think you could succeed at anyways, right?
SEE yourself succeeding.
KNOW you are going to succeed.
VISUALIZE your loved ones seeing you succeed and cheering you on.
Success here, is a relative term. It may mean Money, Happiness, Fame, or a number of other things. It doesn’t matter, that’s why I used that term.
“I don’t care” is such a bullshit statement. We all know we do.
If you’re afraid,
DO IT SCARED.
MAKE GOOD CHOICES.
~Love & Light, Sarah
Special Note: No, I did not just write this from a public wrestling practice full of people. I am sheltering in place like I am supposed to be. I wrote this maybe 2 months ago in Word on my computer and forgot about it. I still like the message, so I am publishing now.
Reminder: STAY HOME PEOPLE!!!